First, grab a piece of paper and write suggestions down for the following down, in this order:
Adjective
Celebrity name
Adjective and noun
Emotion
Household noun
Noun
Adjective
Adjective and noun
Noun
Past tense Verb
Noun
Units of time
Adjective
The first words you see when you look around you
Adjective
Adjective
Your favorite thing
A family member
Adverb
Now, plug them into this text:
Once upon a time, there lived a/an (adjective) young woman named (celebrity name) in a town called (adjective and noun). One day, she was feeling (emotion) and hungry. So, she took a frozen pork loin roast out of her (household noun) and put it down on her kitchen (noun).
Unsure as how to cook the pork, she consulted her favorite cookbook, a/an (adjective) tome called Cook’s Illustrated Best Light Recipe. In it, there was a recipe for (adjective and noun), but also for Chipotle Chicken Skewers. Since the young woman didn’t have any chicken – or skewers - she decided to use the pork, and defrosted it in her (noun). Then, she (past tense verb) all the ingredients in a small (noun), and got to work.
30 (units of time) later, she put the pork in her broiler, and read a/an (adjective) book called (the first words you see when you look around you) while she waited. Six minutes after that, it was broiled to (adjective) perfection. She fed her (adjective) Boyfriend, and he cried, “Man, this is better than (your favorite thing) with your (family member)!”
And they all lived (adverb) ever after.
Mine came out like this:
Once upon a time, there lived a/an free young woman named Kate Winslet in a town called Poofy Tennis Ball. One day, she was feeling elated and hungry. So, she took a frozen pork loin roast out of her ice bucket and put it down on her kitchen chopsticks.
Unsure as how to cook the pork, she consulted her favorite cookbook, a/an blue tome called Cook’s Illustrated Best Light Recipe. In it, there was a recipe for Proud Coffee, but also for Chipotle Chicken Skewers. Since the young woman didn’t have any chicken – or skewers - she decided to use the pork, and defrosted it in her flashlight. Then, she whittled all the ingredients in a small mom, and got to work.
30 eons later, she put the pork in her broiler, and read a/an flavored book called My Sweetheart the Drunk while she waited. Six minutes after that, it was broiled to slick perfection. She fed her flat Boyfriend, and he cried, “Man, this is better than bacon with your sister!”
And they all lived loopily ever after.
Reveal your results in the comment section! Let me know if this was a terrible idea! And try these pork tenders, because they’re seriously fantastic.
Chipotle Pork Tenders
Serves 4
Adapted from Cook’s Illustrated Best Light Recipe
1 pound boneless center cut pork loin roast, trimmed of visible fat¼ cup packed light brown sugar
2/3 tablespoon dried cilantro OR 2 tablespoons minced fresh cilantro leaves
1 chipotle chile in adobo, minced, plus 2 teaspoons adobo sauce
1-1/2 teaspoons salt
½ teaspoon chili powder
¼ teaspoon garlic powder
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
cooking spray
1) Cut the pork into 3x1-inch tenders.
2) In a big bowl, combine everything but the cooking spray, stirring well to coat the pork. Sling some plastic wrap soundly over the bowl and stick it in the fridge for 30 minutes.
3) Preheat your broiler. Line a baking sheet with tin foil and spray with cooking spray.
4) Place tenders lying flat, not touching each other, on the pan. Broil 5 to 8 minutes (mine took 6), flipping tenders once about 3 minutes in. Tenders should be browned and totally cooked when finished. Remove from oven. Serve. Dance around in delight.
Approximate Calories, Fat, and Price Per Serving
296 calories, 11.2 g fat, $0.73
Calculations
1 pound boneless center cut pork loin roast, trimmed of visible fat: 945 calories, 43.5 g fat, $1.99
¼ cup packed light brown sugar: 207 calories, 0 g fat, $0.12
2/3 tablespoon dried cilantro: 3 calories, 0 g fat, $0.40
1 chipotle chile in adobo, minced, plus 2 teaspoons adobo sauce: 20 calories, 1 g fat, $0.30
1-1/2 teaspoons salt: 0 calories, 0 g fat, $0.02
½ teaspoon chili powder: 5 calories, 0.2 g fat, $0.03
¼ teaspoon garlic powder: 2 calories, 0 g fat, $0.01
1/4 teaspoon black pepper: 1 calorie, 0 g fat, $0.01
Cooking spray: negligible calories and fat, $0.03
TOTAL: 1183 calories, 44.7 g fat, $2.91
PER SERVING (TOTAL/4): 296 calories, 11.2 g fat, $0.73
